Symptoms that can clearly indicate true and false alien abduction presumptions

Frequently individuals allege that they have experienced alien abduction. Before claiming that you have been abducted by aliens you should check some symptoms that can clearly indicate true and false presumptions. People often underestimate the value of small details.

Clear facts indicating that you have been abducted by aliens:

  • You can hear voices in your head. This can probably be the sign indicating that you were abducted by aliens, but before claiming that fact make sure you don't have earphones on.
  • You are sure that you saw an alien yesterday. It can probably be the sign that you were abducted. But make sure that yesterday wasn't Halloween and you weren't threatened by children of the neighborhood.
  • You have some superpowers. If you don't work in atomic power plant, then yes, probably you were abducted.
  • It feels like you had anal sex yesterday. It could be a clear sign that aliens have done some medical experiments with you (if you are heterosexual). But before claiming that you were abducted by aliens check if you are not involved in politics, religion, or professional wrestling.
  • If you recently encountered forces you could not understand, make sure that you were not communicating with religious leaders or Wall Street stock brokers. If you are convinced you were not, then it might be so that you had contact with alien life species.

Clear facts indicating that you haven't experienced alien abduction:

  • If you've noticed that you miss some amount of money, look around for empty alcohol containers. If found some, that's were your money disappeared! If you are sure you received a particular amount of money and you can see empty alcohol containers around, your friend probably lost some money and buying a drink or two was your way of comforting him/her. It is also possible that you won the lottery and then celebrated hard.
  • If your face is painted in various colors - you watched football in Europe. Aliens do not paint people while doing experiments on them.
  • If yesterday you were surrounded by green people consuming beer, and according to calendar it was St. Patrick's Day yesterday - you were probably not abducted by aliens.
  • If you remember seeing various alien lifeforms like the ones on Star Trek, you definitely were not abducted by UFOs. Star Trek show is completely fictitious. All characters are imaginary and do not exist in real world.
  • If you suddenly notice that you can turn water into wine - it's a religious phenomenon (or just a good start of your forthcoming business). Aliens cannot be possibly involved in this.
  • If you remember being abducted by aliens tonight and your memories are somewhat blurry, remember that your pills are on the upper shelf! Leave those pink pills of your grandson alone.

In general, take note of your age: if you are under 10 and your parents have ever scolded you for being too addicted to video games - you probably were not abducted by aliens. If you are over 70 and your rest-home personnel tells that you were not abducted - they don't lie. Take your medicine on time.